Car dealer slang...not always nice!

These are some of the terms used by car salesmen (and maybe a few intrepid saleswomen), according to both a longtime poster and a newbie in the forums on Edmunds.com. (Thanks, "mackabee" and "greenpea68" for the list.) A lot of these words are not very complimentary to the putative customer; that's for sure.

in the box = finance office or business office

the tower = sales manager’s office

squirrels = customers with no loyalty to one salesperson

bumblebees = customers that can't decide between three or more cars

Disneyland shoppers = same as bumblebees

strokes = time-wasting shoppers

bogues = same as strokes

ghost = customer with no credit score

roach = customer with bad credit

a player = customer with strong credit

fairy = pipe smoking, folder carrying, internet customer

mooch = customer that wants floor mats, alloy wheels, satellite radio, etc, "thrown in," usually on a mini-deal

laydown = customer that walks in and pays sticker for a car

grape = same as laydown, as in "I stepped on a grape"

mini-deal = salespeople eating cheese sandwiches with no cheese (low-commission sale)

cherry = a very nice trade-in

rough = the opposite of cherry

sled = a beat-up trade-in (same as rough)

clam = same as a sled

skate = salesmen or women who steal customers from fellow salespeople; commonly known as thieves

snake = same as a skate

hand shaker = manual transmission

get me done = customer with terrible credit but can be financed, usually at very high interest rates

mop and glo = paint sealant and fabric protection

rust and dust = rust proofing and undercoating

delivery coordinator = woman with a big smile that sells mop and glo, rust and dust

"club them like a baby seal" = selling a car for full sticker!

grinder = “negotiates” for hours down to the last penny

pack = just another way for dealers to take money away from salespeople

front end gross = gross profit over invoice price less pack and shop fees

back end gross = gross profit in the box (finance or business office)

spiffs = daily or weekly bonuses for salespeople

stuff holders = storage bins

CSI = customer satisfaction index, inversely proportional to the amount of gross profit on the deal (that is, happy-go-lucky emotional buyers pay more; miserable analytical people pay less)

double nickels = $5500

pounder = $1000 front end gross: How many pounds was that? = a deal that has 2 or 3 thousand front end gross

home run = 4 pounder or $4000 or more front end gross

third base coach = someone at the negotiating table who is telling the buyer they don't have a good deal

spoon = a salesperson who gets a done deal from a manager

hook = same as a spoon but you might have to do some work

house mouse = a salesperson who gets all the spoons or hooks

veteran = a salesperson with more than 6 months at a store

greenpea = novice salesperson

rat = a trade that is a clam or a sled

$1 car = any trade that is worth $1000 or less; usually in real money only worth a dollar

team player = the only person who goes and gets coffee and lunch every day

"RUNNER !!!" = what is yelled when a customer gets up from the negotiating table and proceeds to walk out the door. The customer gets up and the salesperson says, "We got a RUNNER," one of my favorites...

Actually, I have found through reading Edmunds and the other car-buying sites that you ought to plan to be a RUNNER. That is, there is a plethora of information on the Internet (including detailed online dealer inventories) that should enable you to confidently walk into a dealership and offer YOUR price. Then if the salesperson comes back with a rejection from the sales manager, you head for the door. If you're not emotionally tied to the idea of buying a particular car from that dealership on that day, you are likely to have someone run out to intercept you accepting your offer!

The (not so) good old days

As is well known, all of the former "Big 3" domestic automakers are in trouble currently, losing money in spades, and possibly heading toward bankruptcy. Although the present tailspin began very recently with the runup in gasoling prices and falling sales of traditional SUVs, it's common knowledge that legions of former domestic car buyers have switched their loyalties to the so-called "import" automakers, especially Toyota and Honda, over the last three decades. These companies as well as Nissan, Hyundai, Mercedes, BMW, Mazda, and Mitsubishi have assembly plants here in the United States. Many of these companies build their engines and transmissions here as well, and stamp the body sheet metal.

We're all familiar with horror stories regarding the Big 3's lack of quality and reliability. Most seem to think the downturn in these areas started in the 1970s. However, there were problems well before that; for example in their April 1965 annual auto issue, Consumers Union, the publisher of Consumer Reports, complained that their batch of mostly American cars selected for testing exhibited the poorest workmanship in a ten-year slide starting with the 1955 models.

In regard to build quality and reliability, we Americans tolerated a lot back in the 1960s before the imports could compete in the medium and large car field (unless you paid a king's ransom for a Mercedes, and even that was only "compact" size). This was before the often documented maladies of the 70s with the "Rube Goldberg" emissions controls that lowered gas mileage and made cars hard to start and keep running.

My mother's 1967 Chevy Bel Air 2-door sedan was rife with build quality issues, including numerous dents in the body work, a missing dome light bulb, and a driver door that scraped against the A-pillar trim when opened. There was also a "jingle bell" sound that some years later was discovered by my brother to be a loose bolt in the starter.

As for cheapness, granted we didn't have a mainstream Impala (pictured above in idealized splendor) or top-line Caprice, the trunk was totally devoid of any carpeting or trim -- all speckle-painted metal -- what was the point of the bottom of the line Biscayne?

I distinctly remember the automatic choke failing to shut off and the engine backfiring going up inclines within a couple of years of ownership. Rust started to bubble through the quarter panel behind the right rear wheel after just two Pittsburgh winters.

On a cross-country trip in 1971 (starting at 25,000 miles), the water pump failed on the way out and the alternator on the way back. Luckily back then, service stations still provided service; they weren't primarily gas, junk food, and cigarette outlets like today.

Detroit has mainly itself to blame for losing so many of its former loyalists. Let's hope the situation can be turned around, because competition is good for everyone.

Whither Chrysler...and Ford and GM?

With regard to the domestic auto industry, I'd very much like to see it succeed, because as someone once said, "competition improves the breed." The more competition in auto choices we have, the better ALL cars will be.

Detroit became fat and lazy in the past because there was too little competition, once Studebaker, Hudson, Kaiser, et al folded. Oh, we could buy those "foreign cars" from Europe, but most were too small, weird, or expensive for American tastes. Only Volkswagen, with its Beetle and to a lesser extent its Microbus, achieved a modicum of success. It wasn't until the Asian cars began their "invasion" in earnest after Detroit was caught napping after the first oil shock that the imports really took off. Toyota passed VW as the largest importer in 1975 and never looked back.

I remember Chrysler’s Lee Iacocca bleating over and over again in the early 1980s about "leveling the playing field" by demanding that the Asians build their products here. Well, be careful of what you wish for!

Now it looks like General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler are in as much trouble as the hapless "independents" in the 50s and early 60s. Hopefully, the situation can be turned around, but Chrysler’s fortunes appear especially bleak now that DaimlerChrysler is trying to sell off the Chrysler portion. If a private equity firm gets the winning bid, I can’t see how the company won’t be broken up and only the best parts, such as the Jeep brand, remain in production.

Since the 70s, a lot of people were "converted" to the imports, and many won't be coming back. Worse for the domestics, the children of the converts heard lots of stories about the "bad old days," so they in turn don't want domestic products either.

Don't take my word for it -- look what Joe Sherlock said in his blog, “The View through the Windshield." His dad worked for the Pennsylvania Railroad, once one of America's mightiest corporations, now gone. Joe is a consummate car guy and grew up loving domestic cars. He even has a classic (though modded) '39 Plymouth. Now as you know, I don’t agree with his politics, but his views on cars are usually right on the money. Read his take on where Detroit went wrong here. And his update here.

Then contrast that with his personal experience with a 2005 Toyota Avalon:

My wife's Toyota Avalon is now two years old. We have not had a single problem with it - no rattles, squeaks, electrical gremlins or mechanical issues. The Avalon has great fit-and-finish and is dead-bang reliable. It is also a pleasant car to drive. It is not a driver's car like my Jaguar sedan - the handling is not as crisp and/or sporty and, on long trips, the seats are not as comfortable. The exterior styling is unexceptional, although the interior is very nice. But the Toyota is a fine car nonetheless and we are very satisfied. We average 23-25 mpg in mixed driving and close to 30 mpg on the highway - all on regular gas.